( Sunday, February 25, 2007 )

A Sigh

I feel sad right now. Like I've lost something big in my life.

Snow Patrol's "Open Your Eyes" is playing in the background.

Maybe I should turn it off. But I think that's what I do with a lot of things in my life. Too many things.

I turn them off.

That makes me sad. A deep, blue, melancholy kind of sad.

( Wednesday, February 21, 2007 )

All Of A Sudden I Miss Everybody

I don't care who you have to kill, who you have to marry, who you have to rob, or who you have to sleep with (well, ok, I do care), go buy Explosions In The Sky's new CD, All Of A Sudden I Miss Everybody (get the two-disc, if you can).

I am in love with this band. Listening to them causes me to have some seriously strong urges to run out into the streets and kiss random strangers and make babies with them (well, I mean, after we get to know each a little better and whatnot).

I can't explain it. I mean, do you ever listen to music, maybe a particular band or a specific song, and it feels like every cell, every nerve in your body suddenly switches on and at 100% capacity? That's what their music does to me. It makes me feel alive. And not just that, but happy to be alive, excited about being alive, addicted to being alive. It's a fantastic feeling.

Epilogue: Speaking of feeling alive, I've mentioned it before but I might as well say it again (consider this part of my unofficial Will & Testament) -- I want to have "Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions In the Sky played at my funeral.

"Le-go My Lego!"

Due to previous engagements (read: because I have too much homework that my loving teachers felt appropriate to bestow during Spring Break) I can't write much right now.

Instead, I leave you with something to consider: Lego is the single greatest invention of the 20th century, possibly even of the last thousand years.

Thank you.

( Sunday, February 18, 2007 )

“Mawwage is what bwings us togwether today....”

Well. Man oh man.

Some big news in the world of the Stewart's this week -- my "little" big sister is engaged! It's all very exciting. And thankfully she caught (see Diagram 1) a cool guy. I met him this past Christmas and he's pretty awesome. It's strange to think I'll have a brother-in-law. Having three sisters, I always thought it was unfair that I didn't get a brother too. At long last, the gods have seen my plight and answered me.

So, congratulations Steph! You done good, sis.

Which leads me to my weekly scheduled word-o-the-day:

vivify \VIV-uh-fy\, transitive verb:

1. To endue with life; to make alive; to animate.
2. To make more lively or intense.

Eg. "Boy, being engaged sure has vivified me!" --Stephanie

Another great word, completely unrelated to anything mentioned in this post, is:

impregnable \im-PREG-nuh-buhl\, adjective:

1. Not capable of being stormed or taken by assault; unconquerable; as, an impregnable fortress.
2. Difficult or impossible to overcome or refute successfully; beyond question or criticism; as, an impregnable argument.

( Thursday, February 15, 2007 )

Chad Vader

I just found these the other day, and oh, how I laughed--they're five mini episodes about Chad Vader, a manager at a small supermarket.

Sometimes they aren't as funny as they could be (the first episode is the worst, in my opinion), but they pull off the general concept. I love it. Such a great idea!

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5

( Wednesday, February 14, 2007 )

Ah, L'Amour!

This was on a card someone gave me a while ago. It makes me laugh. It seemed somewhat fitting for today, a day dedicated to "life's special moments."

Happy Valentines Day, all you lovers, you!

( Monday, February 12, 2007 )

Teenage Mutant Ninja Psycho

I don't mind telling you, I love action figures. And bobble-heads. And really, anything that is a toy that is also amazing (amazing being up for interpretation, of course). It's a part of my childhood I refuse to give up completely. At this point, it's a fairly passive hobby and my "collection" is pretty minimal, limited to a few characters from some of my favourite movies or TV shows (for example, my Mr. T bobble-head or my Monty Python action figures).

However, should I ever reach a point of obsession like this crazy lady, I do hereby grant each and every one of you permission to kick the crap out of me. Repeatedly. With large sticks and/or sharp stones.

Thank you.

( Sunday, February 11, 2007 )

Because I Know You've Been Waiting For It...

It's that time again! "What time is that," you ask? It's time to learn words! Please. Please. Hold your applause and cheering and autograph-seeking until after, thank you very much.

The first word of the day that I would like to share with you is this:

satiety \suh-TY-uh-tee\, noun:

1. The state of being full or gratified to or beyond the point of satisfaction.

It's a fun word to say, too, so it gets my vote for the week's best. And, with luck, it's how you will feel after reading this fantastic post. So don't hold back. Embrace someone close to you. Revel in the discovery of this new addition to your vocabulary.

If you still aren't feeling it, let me provide you with another opportunity, my second favourite:

Pyrrhic victory \PIR-ik\, noun:

1. A victory achieved at great or excessive cost; a ruinous victory.

Go forth, friends, and spread the word(s).

( Saturday, February 10, 2007 )

An Uncomfortable Truth

I have often said that the sole cause of a man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room…. The only good thing for men therefore is to be diverted from thinking of what they are, either by some occupation which takes their mind off it, or by some novel and agreeable passion which keeps them busy, like gambling, hunting, some absorbing show, in short by what is called diversion.

That is why gaming and feminine society, war and high office are so popular. It is not that they really bring happiness, nor that anyone imagines that true bliss comes from possessing the money to be won at gaming or the hare that is hunted: no one would take it as a gift. What people want is not the easy peaceful life that allows us to think of our unhappy condition, nor the dangers of war, nor the burdens of office, but the agitation that takes our mind off it and diverts us. That is why we prefer the hunt to the capture.

That is why men are so fond of the hustle and bustle; that is why prison is such a fearful punishment; that is why the pleasures of solitude are so incomprehensible. That, in fact, is the main joy of being a king, because people are continually trying to divert him and procure him every kind of pleasure. A king is surrounded by people whose only thought is to divert him and stop him thinking about himself, because, king though he is, he becomes unhappy as soon as he thinks about himself.

--Blaise Pascal (1623 — 1662)

( Friday, February 09, 2007 )

Sinners Make the Best Saints

I can't handle country music. Seriously. It makes me nauseous on a good day, and borderline insane on a bad one. Yet for some reason I really like [some of] Johnny Cash['s music]. (Now that I think about it, I think the songs I like are the ones that are free of that oh-so-ungood 'twangy' country sound. Just the thought of it sends shivers up my spine.) I've been reading a biography on him the last little while, and he's got a pretty powerful story.

Now, I'll freely admit I'm one of those people who only started listening to him after he died, and am in no way claiming to be free of marketing manipulation. But in my defense, the first time I ever knowingly heard and liked a Cash song was on the way to a youth convention a few years ago, and someone was playing 'When the Man Comes Around' (based on the Book of Revelation) and then 'Hurt' (his cover of a NIN song, which I'm sure most of you have probably heard). They were so fantastic I made them put the songs on repeat and listen to them a few more times than I'm sure everyone in the van wanted to. After that, American IV: The Man Comes Around became the first (and only) 'country' CD I ever bought. As it turns out, there may have only been one or two other songs on it that I actually enjoyed--what can I say? Country really just isn't my thing.

But today I heard a new song (well, as new as a song can be when it's released after the artist dies --Tupac anyone?). It's pretty powerful, and the music video is actually really interesting. So go here to see Johnny Cash's God's Gonna Cut You Down.


"So you're a writer," an examining physician remarked jovially to the late, great novelist Margaret Laurence. "When I retire, I intend to become a writer myself."
To which Margaret replied, cheerfully, "Yes, and when I retire, I intend to become a brain surgeon."

--Pierre Berton, The Joy of Writing

( Sunday, February 04, 2007 )


I read this the other day in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and it made me laugh. So I thought I'd be a good guy and share. No sense hoarding these things, right? (Just smile and nod your head. Pause for reflection/emphasis. And continue reading.)

…if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language…Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”
“But,” says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”
“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
“Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book ‘Well That About Wraps It Up For God’.

--Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

In The Beginning Was The Word

I can't believe it's been a week already. Man-o-live. I don't know why, but life seems to be speeding by. Everything goes by so quickly. Which is kind of an odd thing, if you think about it--how time moves at the same pace, but our perception of it always changes. Sometimes it "feels" slow, other times it "feels" fast; meanwhile, it's exactly as it's always been. Time is a strange thing.

(Case-in-Point: how does your perception of time feel now, after having read the above sleep-inducing paragraph?)

There were actually some good Word of the Day's this week, and I'm proud to tell you, my fellow logophiles, that I managed to fit a couple of them into 'real life'. Although most of the time I did it unseriously (add that word to your dictionary, folks)--but still, it's the effort that counts, right? Right. Here is my favourite:

cohort \KOH-hort\, noun:

1. A group or band of people.
2. A companion; an associate.
3. A group of people sharing a common statistical factor (as age or membership in a class) in a demographic study.
4. (Roman Antiquity) A body of about 300 to 600 soldiers; the tenth part of a legion.
5. Any group or body of warriors.

Although to be fair, that wasn't exactly a new one to me (don't tell me you've never been arrested and told to give up your cohorts...). So here's another good one that I'd never heard/used before, but, by definition, is something I do a lot (as you will have noticed if you've read anything on this blog, including this very post):

maunder \MON-duhr\, intransitive verb:

1. To talk incoherently; to speak in a rambling manner.
2. To wander aimlessly or confusedly.